Kitchen Humor

Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
If you don't like my standards of cooking ... lower your standards.
A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead
normal lives.
My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines.

Peanut Butter Cupcakes

From Denise:
Cupcakes:
1 Blox of Yellow Cake Mix (18.25 oz)
1/14 cup water
3/4 cup creamy peanut butter
1 /4 cup oil
3 eggs

Frosting:
1/4 cup creamy peanut butter
2 cups powdered sugar
1/4 stick butter, softened
Enough milk to make frosting consistency

OR Simple Frosting:
1 tub vanilla frosting
1/2 cup peanut butter

Mix cupcake batter together and fill cupcake liners. Bake according to thecake mix package directions for cupcakes or until toothpick comes outclean. When cooled, mix frosting and spread on cupcakes.

Jello Cutouts

Denise and fam favorite way to eat cutouts:
2 pkgs (6 oz each) raspberry or strawberry gelatin
2 1/2 cups boiling water
1 cup cold milk
1 pkg (3.4 oz) instant vanlilla pudding mix

In a bowl, dissolve gelatin in water, set aside for 30 minutes. In asmall bowl, whisk milk and pudding mix until smooth, about 1 minute. Quickly pour into gelatin; whisk until well blended. Pour into an oiled13x9x2 in. dish. Chill until set. Cut into cubes or use favorite cookiecutter.

Best Deviled Eggs

From Denise:
12 hard boiled eggs
1/2 cup mayo
1 tsp dried parsley flakes
1/2 tsp chives
1/2 tsp ground mustard
1/2 tsp dill week
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp paprika
1/8 tsp pepper
1/8 tsp garlic powder
2 tbls milk
Fresh parsley and additional paprika

Slice eggs in half lengthwise; remove yolks. In a small bowl mash yolks. Add the next ten ingredients; mix well. Evenly fill whites. Garnish withparsly and paprika.

Picnic Slaw

From Denise:
1 medium head cabbage, shredded
1 large carrot, shredded
1 medium green pepper, julienned
1 medium sweet red pepper, julienned
1 medium onion, finely choppped
1/3 cup sliced green onions
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley

Dressing:1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup mayo
1/3 cup sugar
2 tbls lemon juice
1 tbls vinegar
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp celery seed
dash pepper

In a large bowl, combine the first seven ingredients. Combine dressing ina blender, process until smooth. Pour over veggies. Toss to coat. Coverand refrigerate overnight. Stir before serving.

Sweet and Sour Beans

Another recipe from Denise:
8 bacon strips, diced (can be made without)
2 medium onions, chopped
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup cider vinegar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp ground mustard
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 can (28 oz) baked beans, undrained
1 can (16 oz) kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (15 1/2 oz) pinto beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (15 oz) lima beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (15 1/2 oz) black eyed peas, rinsed and drained

In a large skillet, cook bacon until crisp. Remove to paper towel. Drain,reserving 2 tbls drippings. In the drippings (or in oil if not usingbacon) saute onions until tender. Add brown sugar, vinegar, salt,mustard and garlic powder. Bring to a boil. In a slow cooker, combinebeans and peas. Add onion mixture and bacon; mix well. Cover and cookon high for 3-4 hours or until heated through. (I've always just useda pan on top of the stove and cooked for about 45minutes -1 hour).

SHREDDED BBQ BEEF

Note:this recipe is from Denise
(this has alot of ingredients, but not alot of prep time)1 boneless beef chuck roast (about 4 pounds)

2 tbls cooking oil, divided
2 large onions, chopped
1 cup ketchup
1 cup beef broth
2/3 cup chili sauce
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
3 tbls Worcestershire sauce
2 tbls prepared mustard
2 tbls molasses
2 tbls lemon juice
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1/8 tsp pepper
1 tbls liquid smoke
Rolls or Buns

In a Dutch oven brown roast on all sides in 1 tbls of oil (I've never really bothered to do this.) Meanwhile in a large saucepan, saute onions in remaining oil until tender. Add rest of ingredients except rolls. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Pour overroast. Cover and bake at 325 for 2 hours; turn the roast over and bake 2more hours until very tender . Remove roast and shred with a fork and return to sauce. Serve on rolls. Note: I usually make this in a crockpot over night for a Sunday meal.

double chocolate biscotti

(Recipe taken from the Better Homes & Gardens New Cookbook--made them last week; delicious!)

1/2 cup butter, softened
2/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsps. baking powder
2 eggs
1 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup white baking pieces
1/2 cup large semisweet chocolate pieces or regular chocolate pieces

1. Lightly grease a cookie sheet; set aside. In a large mixing bowl beat butter with an electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 seconds. Add sugar, cocoa powder, and baking powder. Beat until combined, craping sides of bowl occasionally. Beat in eggs until combined. Beat in as much of the flour as you can with the mixer. Stir in any remaining flour. Stir in white baking pieces and chocolate pieces.

2. Shape dough into two 9-inch-long rolls. Place rolls on prepared cookie sheet; flatten slightly until about 2 inches wide.

3. Bake in a 375-degree oven for 20-25 minutes or until a woodon toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool on cookie sheet for 1 hour. (If desired, wrap cooled rolls in plastic wrap and let stand overnight at room temperature.)

4. Use a serrated knife to cut each roll diagonally into 1/2-inch slices. Place slices, cut sides down, on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake in a 325-degree oven for 8 minutes.

Turn slices over and bake for 7-9 minutes more or until dry and crisp (do not overbake!). Transfer to a wire rack and let cool.

Dessert Bars

I cannot take credit for this one; I found it on this blog. I tried out the recipe a few weeks ago, and the bars were easy, delicious, and completely eaten within a few days. (Warning: they're hard to stop eating!)

Here's the link: The Bars

ROCKY ROAD ICE CREAM

This recipe is for my sister who is a chocolate lover at heart.

3 cups milk

3 cups half and half cream

9 squares (1 ounce each)semisweet chocolate

2-3/4 cups sugar

3/4 tsp salt

6 cups heavy whipping cream

3 cups miniature marshmallows

2 1/4 miniature semisweet chocolate chips

1 1/2 cups chopped pecans

6 tsp vanilla extract

In a large saucepan,combine milk and half and half;heat to 175. Add chocolate,sugar and salt; stir until chocolate is melted and sugar is dissolved.

Remove from the heat. Cool quickly by placing pan in a bowl of ice water; stir for 2 min. Cool completely. Transfer to a large bowl; stir in the remaining ingredients. Cover and refrigerate for 30 min.

Fill cylinder of ice cream freezer two thirds full; freeze according to the manufacturers directions. Refrigerate remaining mixture until ready to freeze, stirring before freezing each batch.

Allow to ripen in ice cream freezer or firm up in the refrigerator freezer for 2-4 hours before serving. Yield:about 4 1/2 quarts.